I was inspired to explore the missing element in my life during February of 2016. This is the month of love. The month when we receive special gifts that symbolize our love for one another. Yet, something was not right about my life when it came to love, but I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it! I was succeeding in my academics and on my job. I had a friend that cared about me and a family who loved me. I thought my life was in order finally for a change, but, like many young women in American, I was seeking love. I struggled to salvage a collapsing relationship with a man that was supposed to perfect my life. The thought of becoming an old wife and mother consumed me, not to mention, everywhere that I turned, someone wanted to know what was I waiting on to get married at 32 years old and become a mother. Although I wanted marriage, I was afraid to become married. I was afraid to lose myself, fail at marriage, and end up divorced, and a single mom, where everyone would say “I told you that he was not the man for you”. The quest for love consumed me to the point that I began to neglect myself. I was lost and confused, beginning to think this thing call love was fill with disappointment, dishonesty, and distrust.
At this suppressing point in my life, I began to seek God. I began by reading daily devotions on the Bible App. This passage encouraged me to fast and pray for God to intervene in my life. I started fasting and praying about this relationship for weeks. Trying to get a clear understanding of God’s plan for my life. Fasting is when Christians abstain from things that they are used to such as food, drinks, sex, sleep, etc., so that can focus on spiritual growth. When one Fast, they deny the fleshful desires for spiritual restoration. Additionally, prayer is the pathway that Christians use to communicate to God.
This was a means to discover if my ex-was my Boaz or my Bo Don’t. I loved this man but so many people encouraged me to leave, especially my family. In a dream one night, the spirit of God fell upon me and explained to me that it was necessary for me to hang on to this relationship because my ex’s father was going to die and in that season of loss, I was going to be the only person that could help him wither the storm; so, I stayed, neglecting me and the things that I desired out of a partnership, and not receiving clarity from God. In my mind, I had to be his strength.