I walk home, still not having heard a word from him since lunch time. And I'm making myself sick with worry.
My sister starts shooting questions my way as soon as I walk in the door.
"Where's Ryan? Is he really going back to jail? Will we ever see him again?" I shut her up with a glare, and she looks sad. "I'm only asking cause I'm gonna miss him too."
I sigh, throwing my book bag on the ground and flopping down on the couch. "I know Delia, but I don't know any of the answers to your questions. I haven't talked to him all day." And as I say that my phone buzzes in my pocket. I quickly rip it out, and grin like a fool as I open it and it's from him.
"Would you want to go to the Holiday Train with me tonight?"
"Mom!!! Can I go to the Holiday Train with Ryan?" I yell instantly, jumping up to search the house til I find her. "Mom!!!"
"Jeez, calm down. And I don't care. You can go with Emelia, me and Delia have to go to LaCrosse." I smile and hug her tightly.
"Can we just walk? I'd like to talk to him for a bit, I think he probably leaves tomorrow..." mom sighs, knowing it's true. But I know she hates me putting myself in 'danger', and to my mother, walking outside where a person could kidnap me is dangerous.
"Yes you can. But please Haley, don't do anything stupid." she says, going back to washing the dishes, and then pauses. "You wouldn't, you know, have sex with him tonight? Just because he's leaving?"
My face burns red, it'd be a lie if I said it hasn't crossed my mind. Once or twice, or actually a lot of times. "Mom, I want my first time to be special. Don't worry, nothing will happen. We're gonna spend our time tonight talking. We need to talk about all this. Would it be ok if he just came over when we're done at the train?" I quickly text him as I ask.
"Yes, that'll be fine. I trust you honey." she pats my cheek and turns back to the dishes.
Little does she know, she's really trusting the wrong person. Ryan has been sneaking over for months, but then it was just to talk, we were friends. He made me feel better about Matthew. And held me when I cried about him... But the last time he snuck over, when I was alone at Christa's house. It changed everything, the moment he pulled me close and kissed me for the first time, and as we laid on the couch..
I shake my head, as my cheeks grow hot, "Thanks mom! I love you, drive careful, the roads are icy." I run upstairs to bundle up, it was cold, and it was my bright idea to walk. My phone buzzes, and I look down. I smile as I read he's already here. He was waiting outside the whole time. I quickly run downstairs and outside.
"Stalker tendencies much?" I say with a slight giggle, he smiles despite everything and pulls me into a hug.
"Nope, sidewalks are public property." he smiles down at me, his eyes sad and tired. He kisses my forehead, and we start walking towards the railroad.
"Can I ask you something?" I say, interrupting the comfortable silence between us.
"Sure." he says, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.
"I get the basics of what you did, but it was only that one time right? And what exactly did you do to her?" I bite my lip, these thoughts have been bugging me since the other night, part of me needing to know what exactly happened. I feel his grip on my hand loosen, and I quickly look up at his face.
"I already told you." he said, his voice becoming stone cold. He stares forward as he lets go of my hand, walking slightly in front of me.
"I know but I just.. I just need to know exactly what happened Ryan." I say quietly, the hurt spreading through my body. My hand became cold as ice, so I tuck it in my jacket, walking a step behind him.
He sighs, and turns around, his eyes soft again. "I'll tell you on the way home, lets not ruin this night please."
"Why would it ruin it?" I ask, staring up into his dark brown eyes. He looks away though, his eyes skimming above my head.
"I promise, on the way home ok?" he holds his hand out for me to grab, and I slightly nod, grabbing onto his hand once more.