Schools shouldn't have been a problem. Everyone is nervous there first day of sixth grade. The people that you have known all your life could start having feelings for you and you for them. I never had the pleasure of thinking this, all it took was one person and everyone started to hate me one person started the rumor that I was transgender and because I am I couldn't do or say anything.
When your gay you can lie and say your not when your a lesbian you can lie and say your not. Being transgender there is no lie you have to change into your gym clothes after everyone else because you aren't considered either gender, people stick pads on your locker and tease you asking if your in a bad mood because it' stay time of the month. Life is hell, there are a few people who feel sorry for you but none that actually understand the struggle. You see kids with cuts on their arms from all, the bullying but at least they know what gender they are. I don't.
My mom Isn't any help at all she has no clue how hard my life is and she tries not to bring up that I'm that reason her husband my dad left, but she slips up every now and then. He left after finding out that I was transgender and said that he wouldn't "have a freak for a son" He left we moved and he remained as a no talking about item. My mom has tried dating other guys but she eventually would break up with them. Usually it was my fault, they didn't want a tran son. When my mom went to look for a boyfriend she was my looking for a boyfriend she was looking for a husband.
When they gave us the talk a out the birds and the bees in school I wasn't in either class, they had someone special talk to me about it. That day ended with me crying and yelling at the guy to go to hell. He acted like he actually cared about me when I know that he didn't, who would. My mom made me go see a therapist after that and I'll admit it did help. Her name is Mrs. Susan and she understands me, while she may not be tran herself she's had a hard life and we have briefly discussed it.
After that I asked my mom if I could go to school online and she agreed that it would be for the best. I'm smart so I was able to skip 8th and go straight into 9th but my mom insisted that I go to an actual school for the last two years. I argued with her but logic won, online school doesn't have nearly as many classes as the actual school itself.
Shopping for school clothes was the worst things ever. I had to choose between boy or girl clothing and due to my more feminine facial feature girl won out. I do have to admit I look cute but when my mom tried to make me buy panties I all but basically ran to get boxers.
School starts tomorrow and it will be the first time in along time that I am actually around that many people. My only wish is that no one remembers me tran Jordan from 6th grade, I might even be able to make some friends. Then my mom might stop,bugging me about being a loner. I'll never have boyfriend or a girlfriend but if I have at least one friend then maybe it won't be so bad. Anyway I manage to convince my mom to buy me some make up just some mascara and eyeliner and lip gloss, make up can be addicting so I try not to get to much. After this long day we finally make it home and head up to bed.
"Good night Jordan." Mom says and gives me a hug good night.
"Night mom" I say and crawl into bed I am overly nervous for tomorrow, if the word gets out that I'm transgender I don't know what I'll do but I know it won't be good.